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Wednesday, January 1st, 2003
2:02 am - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
wow... its been so long since I've written anything... I've been real bz.... working full time and all... when I get home I just am too pooped to do anything really...

but I just wanted to wish all of u a happy new year... can't believe how fast time flies... lets hope this year will be even better than the last ;)

New Year resolutions:

1. Eat less crap
2. EXERCISE!!!
3. Keep new year resolutions =P

anyway... am so tired rite now... just got home... so gonna go straight to bed... nitey nite... or should I say good morning?

current mood: tired

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Friday, November 22nd, 2002
6:06 pm - eat eat eat... and more eating!
I feel so full and so fat rite now... yet my hand just keeps reaching for the bowl next to me filled with yummy chocolate coated nougat.... I am so bad!!!... I hate myself...

All I have done today is eat... I didn't know that every Friday at work each department organises "real" morning tea... today was hot meat pies, sausage rolls and cheesies... I had 3 pieces... (let me just add that they were not mini ones!!!)... so that was at 11am this morning... but then I totally forgot that I had agreed to join my colleagues for a leaving lunch that they had been planning for this lady that was leaving today coz she is having a baby... so we went to a restaurant called royal india... which is a very nice walking distance from the office... I swear I could not have eaten more for lunch in my whole entire life... we all ordered this dish that had little samples of everything... and by the time I was through them all... my stomach was literally at bursting point... I felt so sick... and so close to throwing up I swear... anywho I felt so guilty coz tonite I am going to dinner with my whole uni course as a kind of farewell dinner.. before we graduate... and this bloody thing is gonna be like a 3 course meal!... ughhh... I feel so gross just thinking about it... and that is only 1 hour away... I don't even think I am gonna fit into the dress I was going to wear... I am so depressed...

current mood: full

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Tuesday, November 19th, 2002
6:27 pm - day 2...
just got back from "work"... haha... how funny that sounds... anywho... today was my second day... and already I feel like I have been there for a long time... I think I underestimated how good this job is for me... I really felt like I knew what I was doing... at least part of the time... I am learning a lot and it feels pretty good... I know that by the end of this week I will feel great and on top of things (hopefully)... I can't wait till I know exactly what I am doing...

I'm getting to know everyone slowly... the ppl there are really nice... and really friendly... they all seem to want to know me... I don't think that I could ask for more than what I have... and somehow I don't really believe that these ppl are any less perfect than those people at the work experience lab...

yea... I just realised that I feel really content with my life at the moment...

(well... except for the few kilos I have gained over the past exam period and how impossible it will b for me to lose them coz of all the yummy biscuits they serve at work!... *sigh*) I guess if u can't beat them... join em...

current mood: content

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Monday, November 18th, 2002
6:42 pm - first day on the job...
I am so tired... I think my brain has overloaded... I think I feel sick... and sitting here right now pigging out on a box of cheddar shapes is NOT HELPING!!!...

hmm... let me see... my first day was.... how shall I say it... draining... and overwhelming... I think I was anticipating a clone of the lab that I had grown to love on my work experience... well... it kinda was... but about 10 times bigger!... I donno... I felt like a little ant... the ppl there were friendly and introduced themselves and all... but it just wasn't the same... I never had the chance to properly talk to each of them and get to know them.... but then again... it is only my first day after all... I'm sure it will get better... I just feel like I'm never gonna learn the ropes there... it was so much easier back at the work experience lab...

anyway... I guess I shouldn't be too hard on myself... it is only my very first day on my very first "real" job... I should be happy that I even got this job considering that the majority of students in my course is out and about in search for one and that trying to land one now is next to impossible... I am happy... I think it is just a kind of culture shock... hehe...

nahhh I'm sure it will get better... especially when that paycheck comes my way... there are so many things I want to lay by its not funny.. can't wait to finally be able to literally shop till I drop... =)))

current mood: tired

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Saturday, November 16th, 2002
6:04 pm - absolutely pooped....
have just gotten back from a whole day of shopping with my boyfriend... I have bought so much stuff... I should feel good since this is the first time I have bought anything since... well since I got broke... but I am just too tired for words... I bought 5 shirts, 1 pair of black pants and 1 pair of nice comfy shoes for my new job on Monday... I am so excited and anxious to start... I hope that it will be what I expect...

really wanted to go out tonite... but think will just stay home and watch tv... or SLEEP!

current mood: drained

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Friday, November 15th, 2002
12:17 pm - goodbye exams forever!!!
I have just come home from my final exam that I will ever have to do... I can't quite describe the feeling... its mixed emotions really... relieve... joy... drained... sad...

...er.. scrap that last one...

I guess it still hasn't sunken in yet... that I have truly completed my degree (short of failing... *knock on wood*) ... and that I can now be an ABSOLUTE bum for the next 2 days before I start my new job...

I can't believe how sweet life is at the moment... I think I mite just ride it for as long as I can... ;)

current mood: crazy

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Thursday, October 31st, 2002
3:01 pm - God is good
I just received a phone call from that woman from the interview yesterday and she informed me that I had been successful! I HAVE A JOB!!!! yippeeeeeeeeeeeee.................. I am grinning from ear to ear as I write this... I am soooo stoked! ... I can't believe how lucky I am... I will be starting my new job on monday the 18th November... the monday after my last exam... so no holidays for me... but I don't care... I will finally be earning some major bucks!... well... mb not major MAJOR bucks.. but hey I can't complain... at least I will b able to afford new lovely clothessss... ooo... I can't wait till my first pay check... I will have to spend it all! I am so excited about this.. all I can say is that God is so good... I LOVE LIFE! =))))

current mood: high

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9:57 am - last day of prac exams
It is now nearly 10am... nearly time to get ready for my absolutely last prac exam forever!... I am pretty happy that its the last one I will have to do.. and I am so anxious to get it over and done with... its pretty frustrating... but at the same time... I am sooo unprepared!... I am worried... I think it will not be easy... but as always... I only have myself to blame... I hope that I have done enough study to pass at least... I can't stop thinking about the job... I try not to... but its so hard... I think I am getting my hopes up too high... I hope either way she lets me know by tomorrow...

O well... guess I better read some more stuff before going... wish me luck... I'll need heaps of it!!!

current mood: restless

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Wednesday, October 30th, 2002
2:55 pm - all over red rover!
I am so very very relieved that the interview has now been and gone... I just got home... I was so worried about the whole day.. even through my biochem prac exam I was thinking about the bloody interview... all I thought about was what if I couldn't answer the questions they asked me... I was very scared... I got to the place half an hour early and just worried myself silly waiting (and slowly boiling) in the car... when it was finally time to come out... I went to the reception desk and they told me to wait in the waiting room... it was such a flash place... I was surprised at how nice it was... anyway after what seems like forever I had to fill out an application form and wait some more... finally (I reckon I must've waited for about 15 minutes) the lady I spoke to yesterday came and met me... she seemed nice but I sensed a snottiness about her.. anyway I followed her up to her office... and then 2 gentlemen came in and sat down aswell!... I got so panicked at this stage... I thought it would be a panel interview... but anyway as we went on... in turns out they were just there to give me some info on the job itself... in fact I was doing all the question asking... it turned out to be a nice and relaxed interview and I was pleased that I got through it... I am refusing to get my hopes up (from experience) but I think I did ok... dont stop crossing those fingers just yet ok?!?!

current mood: pleased

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Tuesday, October 29th, 2002
4:03 pm - OMG
ok so I haven't had a chance to write in here in sooo long... I've been so busy with bloody uni its not funny... it is now prac exam week... and I've just had one and will go through another 2 in the next 2 days... so as u can probably imagine... I am so stressed...

but just like 2 minutes ago (literally) I received a phone call from a pathology clinic in the city... they said they want to interview me tomorrow at 2pm!... I just had to share this with anyone out there who is reading this rite now... do u know how long I've been waiting for this!?! I took the liberty of sending out my resumes last week to various labs and hospitals... and I sooo did not expect to hear from anyone for like yonks... so this was definitely not expected... I was caught completely off guard... I must've sounded so dorky on the phone coz I was so nervous!!!... I was struggling to get the words out of my mouth... what will happen tomorrow?? I've never been to an official interview before... I'm soo unbelievable nervous... please please please let it go well... I got to do my biochem prac exam before then and all I will be thinking about is the interview now... mannn...

please cross ur fingers for me guysss... and pray that I will land this job... because I want it so very very bad... =)

current mood: nervous

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Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
2:47 pm - time flies when u waste it!
I can't believe how long its been since I wrote last... it is now October... omg!?!? why does time really fly when u don't want it to... and really slow down when u can't stand being in the position ur in at the moment... ugh... I am really hating life at the moment... yet I don't want time to speed up... because there are a lot of things that I need to get done before I pass this moment of utter stress, boredom, worry, frustration and laziness... I so can't wait till uni is finally over... which is coming up awfully fast.. I am very worried about all the things that I will have to go through before the year is out... at the moment I have so many prac reports to do... as well as this assignment/oral presentation that is due on monday which I have hardly started... I am on my week free at the moment but I don't know how time gets away from me everyday... its already Wednesday for goodness sake! I feel like my life is going through slow motion while everything else around me is in fast forward... u know what I mean?

I haven't even had time to think about exercising... which is making me feel so yucky... and I haven't had time to really relax and enjoy the things I love doing... like baking... although this coming weekend I will be baking quite a few cakes since I promised to make one for this youth group that my friends are a part of... its their 10th anniversary so will have to make it extra special... as well as that... it will be one of my friend's birthdays this weekend and also my boyfriend's mum's bday on Monday... so this weekend will be cut out for a lot of baking... but I don't mind... it helps me relax and forget about all the shitty things that I have to do...

I am also going to the Perth Royal Show on Friday with my friend... I am looking forward to it even though it will be another day gone without doing any work... at least it will help me get away from uni... coz even when I am supposed to be on my week free... I can't get away from it....

anyways... the bottom line is... I am feeling really low... and depressed...

current mood: melancholy

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Wednesday, September 18th, 2002
3:54 pm - sick...
am not happy... feel so crap... got cold.... blocked nose, sore throat, dry mouth... the lot... all I want to do is sleep... but got so much study to do... why now?!

current mood: cold

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Tuesday, September 17th, 2002
4:04 pm - i hate my haem lecturer!!!
argh... I have just come back from doing my haem mid semester test and I feel so cheated and so down... I can honestly say that I don't think I did very well... and not because I didn't know stuff... but because of stupid TIME!!!... this guy expected us to write 10 pages in 50 minutes... how wrong is that?? I ended up missing quite a few questions... even ones I knew... and now I just feel really crap... and I just want to curl up and not do anything... I also feel crap because I am sick at the moment which doesn't help me much... and I can't just curl up and not do anything because I have to start studying for another mid semester test coming up on friday which I am probably screwed for aswell... life is not being kind to me at the moment... I feel so angry rite now...

current mood: annoyed

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Saturday, September 7th, 2002
11:26 am - so many things to do...
I am so stressed out at the moment... I've got so many bloody things to do... I'm so behind in my uni work and I've got 3 mid semester exams coming up in a week!!... argh... I hate uni so muchhh...

anyway... yesterday I finally got the courage to call my supervisor from work experience... and had a good chat to him... but unfortunately there's nothing for me there at the moment... which is why he hasn't called me at all since I left... I am disappointed.. but I can understand... although he probably shouldn't have made it sound so promising to begin with... I hope there's still a chance for me there... mb for a full time job next year?? *cross fingers*

last nite we went to this restaurant in south perth... linq... there was about 13 of us... the food was beautiful... but the portions are small... and it was quite pricey... I don't think it was really a place for us youngins... probably more suited to the more mature... hehe... but it was fun... afterwards we went to vultures and played silly games... I felt guilty for not staying home and doing work... but I guess I will just have to compensate for it today, tonite and tomorrow... *sigh*

today am planning to do lots and lots of work... I HAVE TO!!... but first am going to fremantle to have fish and chips with my friends...

current mood: stressed

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Tuesday, September 3rd, 2002
10:30 pm - all over red rover
I have never felt so drained before... I'm not sure why I feel this way but I do... I have lost all motivation to do anything... and all I want to do is just laze about and sleep... how bad is that??

well the wedding is finally over... I am so glad that my wedding cake didn't tumble down! that was my biggest worry... but the bride told me that it was better than she imagined it would be (because I kept it a surprise from her)... so I am happy that she liked it... it was really fun towards the end and just seeing it piece together was really great... I would do it again in a jiffy if someone asked me to... I hope the pictures will turn out...

I have also managed to gain weight in the span of these last couple of days... my friend v3rsus will be happy... its no surprise really since I have been pigging out non-stop ever since the wedding... eating wedding cake scraps whenever I get a chance... I have lost all will power and succumbed to consuming carbs again... I feel so weak... and fat... but am trying to convince myself that its not the end of the world... I went to the gym today and worked my butt off... but still I came home and ruined it by eating crap... *sigh*...

I am trying to psych myself up to ring the hospital on Friday... I hope I will find the courage to do it... am very disappointed that I haven't heard from them at all...

This is week will be a busy one... I am going to dinner with all uni friends on Thursday nite... should be good... but my friend wants to sleep over because we have to go to uni early on Friday and she lives far away... so rather than going home again she wants to sleep over... I don't mind but its just that our house is such a dirty mess at the moment... will have to do lots of cleaning tomorrow... *sigh*... I am just not in the mood for ANYTHING!

current mood: drained

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Thursday, August 22nd, 2002
5:45 pm - too tired all the time...
I haven't written in sooo long... I just haven't had the chance... I've been so busy with uni and everything... and now that I have been going to the gym (thanks to my friend!)... everytime I come home I am absolutely exhausted!!!... all I want to do is just sit down (sometimes lie down)... and just watch tv or do nothing... just rest... if I am feeling the least bit productive I will do a little bit of homework... but other than that... I just don't have time for anything else... *sigh*

I am predicting a very stressful and even more busy week next week... I have got 3 practical reports to write up which will take me forever... an oral presentation... plus on the social side I have my friend's hen's night on wednesday and then her wedding on saturday... I am making her wedding cake so I will be working on it all that week... so there goes my life next week... I am going to be pooped! just thinking about it stresses me out...

the only thing that makes me feel good at the moment is going to the gym and eating healthy... I have started since Monday a health kick and haven't remotely touched chocolate, ice cream, cakes and the like which is very very hard for me coz I LOVE those things!... so yea its been real torture... but since I have gained 3 kilos in the past 4 months... it was kind of a reality check... since the gym and my good eating habits I have managed to lose 1.5 kilos... so I am halfway to being myself again and I feel so good... =)

on other news... my work experience supervisor has not bothered to contact me AT ALL since the last time I saw him which has been a good month now... I am very annoyed and frustrated because I don't know what to do... I have emailed him at the end of last week but he hasn't replied either... I am contemplating on whether I should call him tomorrow... I will have to start psyching myself up for that... more stress!

current mood: drained

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Monday, August 12th, 2002
5:41 pm - so proud of myself...
have just come home from... *drum rolls please*... THE GYM!... can u believe it? me and gym? I am so damn proud of myself... my friend got me this free 2 week membership at the body club as she is a regular there and today was my first day... I am so glad that she gave me this opportunity coz I have been so so lazy with exercise and despite the constant remindings I get (from myself!) that I really really need to do some... I keep on putting it off... until I just forget about it... well I have had enough of this bad attitude... I really need to exercise lose some flab!! I am feeling great at the moment... and I am planning to push myself these 2 weeks... if anything it will certainly get me back into the swing of exercise... even now I feel like I can go for another run... I feel good baby!

current mood: pleased

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Friday, August 9th, 2002
12:16 am - long day...
Just got home from going out with my friends... what a long day its been today... I'm so tired... I feel like I can just close my eyes and not open them for a long time... went out shopping to carousel with some of my highschool friends... wasn't really that much fun basically coz we are all broke and thus can't afford to buy anything... and coz I always go to carousel and its become so boring to me.... but the company was good... got to catch up with them... am gonna see them again on saturday nite for a big girl's nite out... planning to go to casino... should b a lot of fun...

anyway... after caro went to this place in south perth called sluggers... its a pub and apparently "the place to be" on thursday nights... I've never been there before and to be honest it didn't really interest me but I sort of promised my uni friends that I would meet them there... well when we got there... the line was a mile long and we had to stand in line for a good 45 minutes to an hour I reckon... it wasn't very fun... but when we got inside... it wasn't what I expected either... there was so many ppl... so cramped in such a dark dingy place... the music was blaring so loud I could barely hear myself speak... I had to shout every word out to my friends... it wasn't really my scene... I just somehow felt like I didn't belong there... I think my uni friends like that kind of thing though.... we didn't end up staying... we were there for like an hour and had enough... so went home... and now I am going straight to bed...

nitey nite...

current mood: exhausted

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Tuesday, August 6th, 2002
9:03 pm - why me again...
ok so I have just received an email from one of the labby's that work at the lab... I've been trying to keep in touch with her since I left coz for one thing she was a really nice person... and I guess I wanted to keep in touch with the lab indirectly too... anyways... she didn't write very much... only to tell me that the boss seems in no hurry to get someone else on board... *sigh*... I really really thought I had a good shot at this job... for a while I wanted it so bad that at times I couldn't even sleep at night coz I kept on thinking about how good it would be if I got it... I have longed for an opportunity like this for a long time... and this time it looked so promising for me... I just kinda got my hopes up too high I guess... but now it doesn't seem so promising anymore... I know I shouldn't give up... there mite still be a chance for me... she said that the boss has been bz with more important affairs to deal with... I suppose I should look on the bright side because it means they haven't got anyone else on board either... so its not me... or is it? I can't help feeling disappointed... everytime the phone rings for the past 2 days its been driving me insane... I answer it in the hope it would be him... I guess I can stop anticipating his call now...

I really hope that I still have a chance... I don't want to give up... I just feel really frustrated at the moment that's all...

current mood: disappointed

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4:06 pm - am so bad!!!
why issit so hard for me to go on a bloody diet!!... ughh... I'm so frustrated at myself... its like this... I go to bed every night thinking... I am definitely starting my diet tomorrow... and feel good about myself... only the next day I stuff my face in with bad foods again!... why o why issit so hard... I don't understand why I can't resist temptation... like today for example... I started off good... brekkie I had 2 mini rolls with a little nutella... lunch I had a low fat fruche... but I was still hungry... so couldn't wait to get home from uni coz that fruche was all I brought... once I was home... raided the fridge and greedily consumed 2 toasted crumpets with cheese... still not feeling satisfied I succumed to opening the block of chocolate that has been sitting there and staring at me for the past 2 days coz I told myself not to open it... and there goes half a block... arghhh!!!

now feeling grossly obese... I am not proud of myself... oh and the whole exercise thing... I tell myself that I really REALLY need to do some exercise... I haven't done any in so long... but everyday I get home from uni and all I wanna do is sit on my ass in front of the heater and read mags... watch telly... not even doing anything constructive like the pile of uni work that keeps growing by the day... I have been very very bad...

and to top it all off... my work experience supervisor that has promised to call me this week to tell me whether I got that weekend job or not has not called!... ugh... I feel so anxious... why doesn't he just ring already!!... even if I didn't get the job I just need to know...

has not been a good week... am very very sad...

current mood: crappy

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